Deciphering Make-Up

Wednesday 21 October 2015

Make up is the bane of my life. Can't live without it lest I scare myself sh*tless looking in the mirror first thing in the morning. Can't draw to save my life either. Still life, painting landscape, drawing a line as close as possible to your lash line in order to define your eyes (mimicking the voice of a beauty guru), .....pffftt....same thing.  Whatever.

It all sounds so bloody complicated. It's taken me years but I've finally figured it out. The dummy's guide to deciphering make up:

1. Smokey eyes
A makeup technique whereby one smears gobs of soot on their eyelids.

2. The No Make Up Make Up look
A look which can only be created by using a ton of products on your bare face in order to look........barefaced.

3. Nude lipstick
A lipstick that matches the color of your lips to replicate nude “natural” lips which you already have in the first place.

4. Kabuki
It's a brush, not classical Japanese dance drama.

5. Contouring
To create an optical illusion of a sharper nose, slimmer face and more angular cheekbones without undergoing any plastic surgery.

6. Strobing
Contouring is sooooo last year. We now i-llu-mi-nate.

7. Make up terminology
Winged has nothing to do with birds (or Greek mythology) nor waterline with the maritime industry.

8. Gloss
A gooey and sticky substance that you smear on your lips to trap flyaway hair.

9. Concealer
Concentrated foundation repackaged in tiny containers and renamed as concealer.

10. . Evolution of all-in-one creams
First came the BB (blemish balm) cream which was a major hit. This was soon followed by CC (color correcting) and DD (daily defense) cream. A game of one up-manship ensued so recently, we have EE (enlighten even). I'm dying for someone to come up with FF cream soon. I'd like to call it Flawless Forever. Thank you.


  1. Love everything about this post Marlene. I think i've lost a lot of calories giggling while reading. Think you look lovely even without wearing make up on though you look perfect in your photo above. Looks like you master the art of painting lady.


  2. Hello there,

    Long time I have not commented here.
    First of all, let me tell you that you look great: do you wear make up? If so, the shade of your lipstick is parfect on you (I call it rosewood, bois de rose).
    I like your post and the way you see make up is refreshing!
    I wear minimal make up meaning no foundatation not blush or higlighter.
    Only mascara, eyeliner, lipstick.
    I tried several times to use foundation, be it from high end and expensive brands, supermarket brands, organic or mineral (of which I have tons of samples unused). And yes I have a kabuki.
    All were a fail for me, I am too lazy to take time to apply foundation on the morning (or always late...) and I really have nothing to hide. And I have some BB cream somewhere I bought nearly 2 years ago...
    As a professional dancer years ago I used to apply a lot of make up: never again I swore to myself! I'd rather use more stuffs to care of my skin than make up.
    Suffice to say that I am quite ignorant to all the new technics and products that exist now.
    How do you manage to do it? I watch Lisa Eldridge video en the 5 minutes make up she did recently. Woah she even used a eyelashes curler! I tried and nearly tore my lids!
    As for the smoky eye.... well , I tried, once, and was the joy and the fun of the soirée with my friends (and the reason of the stares in the metro??).
    I think I am not really very interesting for make up brands.

    1. Ahh it is worth mentioning that I could only send my comment through Chrome. No luch with aither Safari, Firefox (latest version) and Opera. Do you have preferences for Chrome or is there some issue with your website?

    2. How odd. I only ever use Safari so that's really strange that you can't send any comments via other browsers. I'll check that out.

      Oh..I didn't know you were a dancer. That'd explain why you're so trim and svelte. I'm so removed from all this make up thing. Love them but not obsessively.

  3. Great look. Love your post!!

    Lynda & DylanQueen

  4. Lol. Looks SO easy on the videos, right? You look great--esp. love the lippie--what is it?


    1. They make it sound dead easy. Just flick the brush upwards, lightly dab all over the face blah blah blah. Whatever. I can't do it. The lippy's called Amorous by MAC.

  5. Marlene!! You look ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS in this pic!!! And you seriously always crack me up!! You are so clever and funny!

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