Make up is the bane of my life. Can't live without it lest I scare myself sh*tless looking in the mirror first thing in the morning. Can't draw to save my life either. Still life, painting landscape, drawing a line as close as possible to your lash line in order to define your eyes (mimicking the voice of a beauty guru), .....pffftt....same thing. Whatever.
It all sounds so bloody complicated. It's taken me years but I've finally figured it out. The dummy's guide to deciphering make up:
A makeup technique whereby one smears gobs of soot on their eyelids.
2. The No Make Up Make Up look
A look which can only be created by using a ton of products on your bare face in order to look........barefaced.
3. Nude lipstick
A lipstick that matches the color of your lips to replicate nude “natural” lips which you already have in the first place.
It's a brush, not classical Japanese dance drama.
To create an optical illusion of a sharper nose, slimmer face and more angular cheekbones without undergoing any plastic surgery.
Contouring is sooooo last year. We now i-llu-mi-nate.
7. Make up terminology
Winged has nothing to do with birds (or Greek mythology) nor waterline with the maritime industry.
A gooey and sticky substance that you smear on your lips to trap flyaway hair.
Concentrated foundation repackaged in tiny containers and renamed as concealer.
10. . Evolution of all-in-one creams
First came the BB (blemish balm) cream which was a major hit. This was soon followed by CC (color correcting) and DD (daily defense) cream. A game of one up-manship ensued so recently, we have EE (enlighten even). I'm dying for someone to come up with FF cream soon. I'd like to call it Flawless Forever. Thank you.