1. Eat healthy! Lose weight! Get rid of that extra 10 pounds
Jan 1: Frantically searching for flax and chia seeds in shops for that extra omega 3 infusion in the hope of keeping dementia at bay and increasing my IQ by another 20 points. Never mind emotional intelligence. Just make me smarter. Period. Child and husband were force-fed vegetable and fruit smoothies while I recite the health benefits of each ingredient in their mud colored slush. I convince us that it tastes MARVELOUS, dah-lings! We're getting healthier.......and smarter.......
Jan 7: Lunch consists of rye bread with flax and chia seeds, topped with avocado and rocket leaves. Washed down with a glass of Coca Cola. Yes, the sugary drink. My rationale...... 1) I've been tooooooo healthy for a week. A WHOLE week! I deserve a treat. 2) Coca Cola cleans my gut as well as my toilet bowl.
2. Be fearless. Take more risks!
Jan 1: Scribbling down all the incredible projects I'll be doing. Journey into the depths of the most rural mountains of the world. Explore the universe. Give my blog a kick in the rear end with exciting posts that it desperately needs.
Jan 7: Prolonged brain fart. There's a deep butt shaped indentation on the sofa.
Barbour parka, Zara skinny jeans, Uniqlo sweater, Johnstons of Elgin cashmere scarf and New Balance 420 sneakers.
3. Be as stylish as those famous fashion bloggers and movie stars. 41 is the new 31!
Jan 1: Mentally pairing all the different pieces in my closet. Chanel! Isabel Marant! Rick Owens! Starts to hyperventilate thinking how cool my outfits are going to be in 2015. The streets of England will be my runway!
Jan 7: Day 1 of 2015 - black skinnies, black jumper, parka and sneakers. Day 2 of 2015 - black skinnies, striped jumper, parka and sneakers. Day 3 of 2015 - black skinnies, black jumper, parka and sneakers. Day 4 of 2015 - repeat of Day 1. Day 5 of 2015 - repeat of Day 2. Day 6 of 2015 - repeat of Day 3. Day 7 of 2015 - repeat of Day 1. Notice a very similar pattern forming??
4. Maintain a calm demeanor while attending to parental duties
Jan 1: Zen. Serenity. Peace, harmony and all that jazz. Speak to my child lovingly the way Mother Theresa did to the kids in the orphanage.
Jan 7: Apologize to numerous passers-by while Lil L and her friend run, skip and piggy back each other and narrowly missing innocent victims who had the misfortune of sharing the same sidewalk with us. The flat trembles while the child plays deaf as I channel Pavarotti's powerful vocal chords telling her for the millionth time to take a bath, clean her room, change her clothes, have dinner, GO TO SLEEP etc etc. MAJOR FAIL.
Forget about numbers 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10. I give up.