My 2016 journey. The good and the bad

The Journey

I was moaning to the husband recently about my lack of progress in my professional life when he stopped me. He reminded me that I started out in October 2015 with 5,000 followers on Instagram. By January 2016, my numbers were over 10K. Exactly a year later, it stands at 44,900. I was so focussed on nitpicking my faults and lack-ofs that I forgot to see the big picture.

The growth happened organically, albeit with a few strategies put in place by me to improve my entire feed. I learned as much as I could about Instagram. Literally whatever I can get my hands on including putting myself out there to network. The latter wasn't as easy as I'm not exactly the most sociable person. It also grew by leaps and bounds, thanks to a lovely lady called Siobhan who founded the famous Instagram account called Pretty City London and featured my work on many occasions (Thank you, Siobhan. I'm eternally grateful!). It was mind-boggling to think a couple of my images drew more than 10,000 likes each.

I started collaborating with Hero to run Smartphone Photography workshops. A huge thank you to all who'd participated. More feedback were relayed to me so we decided that the final workshop was to cater specifically to businesses who wanted to incorporate Instagram efficiently as a marketing tool. I was blown away by the enthusiasm of all the participants who were so keen to learn that they happily stayed back for an additional 45 minutes.

Some clients wanted one on one customized sessions so one thing led to another, I started a small consulting business. Again, it wasn't something I'd set out to do beginning of the year. I took on more photography projects working with some of the most inspirational women (check out Online Stylist and Lois Avery) and brands that I personally like.

I'm still a long way from achieving my goals but I've learned that it's the journey, not the destination that matters. I remember hearing a talk by Natalie Massenet, founder of Net-a-Porter who drew a graph of her path to success. It was nothing like what everyone has imagined, a slow but definite upward trend. It was a scribbled mess with no definitive pattern. Yet, if you looked from afar at its 10 year performance, you'll see how many milestones it has reached.










Harsh words and dealing with difficult people


In the past year and a half, I've heard my share of harsh words, from raging obscenities, torrents of abuse to outright disbelief that I'd amount to anything. It's even more difficult when they're from a family member and close friends because you take their rants to heart.

What upset me was their sense of entitlement. Their "I'm more important than you"mentality.  They take no responsibility over their verbal diarrhea. The fact that others have had to deal with the emotional scars from their many tactless tirades. That it's ok to throw tantrums when things don't go their way and screw anyone who happened to stand in their path. Because they're ALWAYS the victim. The words thank you and I'm sorry aren't even part of their vocabulary.

The very act of tearing another person down is often a sign of deeply rooted insecurities hidden behind a veil of arrogance.

The thing is I hate confrontations and I deal with them very badly. My first reaction tends to be flight rather than fight. I go mute and then tears start to form. And then I hide in my she-cave for weeks to recover. It's taken me this long to finally grow a thicker skin, to stand my ground calmly and apply a little wisdom. I had to make the tough decision to not let the toxic relationship continue. That's a difficult thing to do if you're a people pleaser, which basically means you're everyone's dogsbody.

It's normal to disagree. After all, we're all made differently. There are ways to compromise and work together without belittling the other.


"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly."  - Proverbs 14:15.











Health Issues


I've been blighted with a number of severe IBS episodes (Irritable Bowel Syndrome). It's been a year of adjusting and readjusting my diet, sometimes on a daily basis. I've re-introduced some food types back into my diet carefully with some success. However, a few slices of dried mango brought me to my knees followed by a 12 hour non-stop of pain, vomiting and being close to passing out cold on the floor. It took another week of bland congee diet (and barely anything else) before the low level pain was just about tolerable.

I am thankful that it's IBS, not cancer. I've had a friend who succumbed to cancer unexpectedly and another who has just been diagnosed a couple of weeks ago. My health issues, in comparison, are minuscule and controllable with careful dieting. In fact, thanks to IBS, I'm even more careful with what I put into my mouth and my diet has improved tremendously as a result.



What did your 2016 journey look like?




**All photos taken with iPhone 6S Plus

Favorite things during the Christmas season

I'm a late adopter of Christmas traditions in the U.K but I'm making up for lost time. I'm still not used to the excessive gift buying as we've never really exchanged presents during Christmas. The idea was rather foreign in my early years in Borneo. I see the immense stress and financial strain some of my friends have to deal with here. That was enough to confirm that it wasn't something I'd ever want to emulate.





However, I'm obsessed with Christmas tree decorations. Each and every single decoration on my tree represents an experience my family and I have had in the past. Say, the Eiffel tower encased in a snow globe. I've had many precious memories on my numerous trips to Paris. Ditto with the handmade embroidery of Winchester Cathedral in town.

There's nothing more enchanting than sitting on the sofa on a cold winter's night with the candles lit, Christmas carols playing in the background and lights twinkling on my Christmas tree. Simple pleasures.





I picked up this handmade nutcracker from the Christmas market. The word art and craft make me break out in hives so I wasn't going to say no when my friend, Eileen, a talented florist asked if she could make a wreath for me.

I rarely bake these days. No baking means no eating. Hence, little weight gain. Yup, vanity. I decided to take the easiest route by just buying gingerbread cookies, all perfectly iced so that I don't have to deal with the mess. Chowing these beauties down takes a minute but it takes hours just to ice the darned things. I've noticed that the pricing at Biscuiteer is a little different at the store than online. The nutcracker and ballerina set cost £7 in the store but £10.95 plus shipping online. They're expensive but it's worth the cost just to see happy faces when they open the box to see the unexpected gift within.

What are your favorite things during the Christmas season?

27 Things I've learned in the U.K

1. Poorly means sick. Nothing to do with poverty.

2. Do not attempt a U or 3 point turn . Try 5 point turns. Better still...buy the smallest car you can find.

3. Sidewalk is called pavement here. They’re built for skinny people.





4. Lollies are sweets and popsicles are lollies.

5. The letterbox is attached to the door, not planted at the end of a driveway.

6. Central heating is the norm.





7. It's considered sacrilege to put ice in your tea. You're violating centuries of tea drinking tradition.

8. Bureaucrazy bureaucracy is the government and old establishments' way of reducing unemployment in the country.

9. Anything sweet taken after the main course is called a pudding. Including the pudding.






10. A town can be bigger than a city but can’t be called a city because it doesn’t have a cathedral.

11. There are more accents in the U.K than there are bones in my body.

12. School dinner is eaten at lunch time.






13. Tea is a meal taken in the evening. A cup of tea is a beverage.

14. When someone tells you to bring a plate, make sure there’s food on it.

15. Vests and pants are underwear.






 16. Apologize for everything even if you don't mean it. Sorry.

17. When a Brit tells you “let’s meet for coffee sometime” they’re just being polite.

18. Queueing is UK’s national pastime.

19. Talk obsessively about the weather.

20. Public schools are actually private schools.

21. National food:  spag bol, fish fingers, bangers and mash, beans on toast






22. It WILL rain.

23. You're cross but never angry.

24. In order to sound posh, use more words than necessary to get your point across.







25. Slippers/jandals/thongs are called flip flops here. Don't EVER speak about thongs here unless you're buying.....g strings.

26. Learn to drive manual cars. Automatic cars are for sissies.

27. Tomato sauce is ketchup, chips are crisps, fries are chips.

6 life lessons

How much to share 

Over-sharing? Bland post? Or somewhere in the middle? If you've been blogging for years now, there comes a point where you're at a loss trying to translate thoughts into coherent sentences. I've been on all levels of the pendulum. The noise generated by social media is deafening. I'm often left bewildered trying to figure out how to filter out the infinite amount of information just to get to what I truly wanted to read.

Sharing your honest thoughts, struggles and the lessons we've learned build a kind of solidarity amongst fellow readers and bloggers. It makes us more relatable and helps to empower those around us too. On the other end of the spectrum, you've got the in-your-face bragger  (usually the same ones that love to share their ultra fabulous home, perfect husband, perfect holiday, kids that are smarter than Einstein) which you frequently see on Facebook that most of us unfollow. Everyone wants to celebrate each other's successes but NOT when it becomes like a boastful verbal diarrhea.







What to say 

Someone once told me that "I NEED to say it because that's how I feel and she's wrong." WRONG. The truth can hurt but harsh words - spoken or written can obliterate a relationship and the hurt can carry into eternity. It's ok to be opinionated but it's far better to use a bit of wisdom to ascertain when and how to voice it in a manner that does not offend the other person. I never quite understand trolls or those who get into spats on social media or in real life. It's petty, childish and ultimately, reflects badly on the attacker.

It's ok to disagree since we're all individuals. Otherwise, we might as well be robots. Why is it necessary to bend someone to our way of thinking? It's amazing what we'll say, all in the name of pride. We're more likely to build fulfilling lifelong friendships if we're more considerate towards one another. Sometimes adults behave far worse than kids. I've always believed that wisdom does not come with age but to those who seek it.

It's so much easier to point out another's flaw than our own. I'm just guilty as charged. Sometimes we over-analyze what the other person had said and take it out of context. A few kind words one on one can clarify the misunderstanding quickly rather than blabbing it on social media and turning it into an unnecessary warfare. I used to react and lash out when I was attacked. Having to learn to curb my tongue and behave the opposite of what I truly want to do is.........very very difficult. Self control is a sign of maturity. Easier said than done by the way but I'm getting there  s l o w l y. If the words thank you and I'm sorry were used more often, they'd be far less wars.










Self talk 

A close friend of mine and I started a mini bible study group recently. Just the two of us. One of our exercises was to list out our strengths. You'd think it'd be an easy task but I truly struggled. I've read all about self talk, regurgitate it often enough.....but to put it into practice? Difficult. I continue to draw my inner strength and wisdom from God that I may learn to be kinder to myself. To believe in Him rather than listening to naysayers.









To succeed at all costs

Asian or Jewish parents (or parents who are immigrants) have extremely high expectations of the next generation who are programmed from young to excel or else. Their life was excruciatingly difficult in the days where poverty was rife. Compliments are rare because the Asian culture is seeped in Confucianism which means one has to be "modest". I use this term lightly because most Asian parents love to compare and nothing makes you feel more worthless than being compared to someone else.

Unless you've succeeded like Bill Gates or Jerry Yang (Yahoo) or show material wealth, well....you're still rather lacking. Filial piety is observed without question so children are often pushed to set aside their dreams to fulfill their parents'. Life is dreary with no end in sight if you don't enjoy what you're doing.

Suicide rate in South Korea is the highest amongst the OECD countries. The pressure these kids are under is immense to the point where schools had to lock up access to the rooftop during exams. It isn't uncommon for a student to suddenly leave the classroom, walk up to the highest point and jump. While this is rather extreme, those of us who were educated in Asia would understand the pressure of performing well as anything less than an A is unacceptable.

Those in my generation are trying to buck the trend by finding our own successes whether they're big or small. I hope my daughter will have a different life where she's encouraged to find her own destiny. Money does bring happiness to a certain extent but not at the expense of everything else. I'd rather leave behind a legacy of relationships than material wealth that I can't take with me.








Being beautiful and popular 

The obsession with being popular is an epidemic these days, largely thanks to social media. It was definitely around when I was in school but your home was a sanctuary from peer pressure. These days, kids and yes, us adults too are constantly reminded how popular we are all day by the stats on our social media which is flashed on your screen every waking hour. In the world of blogging where statistics take precedence, it's interesting to see how there are those who are unwilling to know you because you're....well....not popular enough. It's glaringly obvious when you're at a fashion event and the organizers fawn all over the more popular blogger or social media superstar while you're left standing in a corner wondering why you'd even bothered to attend (after arranging childcare, dashing to the train station and running like the hounds are chasing you to make it there on time).

Popularity has a correlation with looks so it's little wonder that online beauty tutorials have sprung up like mushrooms. People are naturally drawn to beauty but how you make them feel will leave a lasting impression. Perhaps I'm older now and have been through similar situations several times around, I'm a little less bothered, though at times niggling self doubt does rear its ugly head. I've had long conversations with close friends who used to be the most popular kids in school. Being popular isn't what it's cracked up to be. Worshipping people is never a good thing as none of us are perfect and will inevitably fall short of expectations. Beauty and popularity wane over time and what are we left with?







Being self conscious 

Most of us are naturally self conscious. We worry about how others perceive us. It has taken me decades to come to the realization that it's a waste of brain juice and all it does is add more unwanted wrinkles. Why? Because people are more concerned about how they appear to others that they don't have time to worry about you. So what if your fly is undone or your hair isn't cooperating? No one died. Laugh about it and the world will laugh with you, not at you. It'll break the ice at a gathering and perhaps you'll make a friend or two. Be interested rather than interesting. People love to talk about themselves.

I was always this awkward kid who'd fumble through conversations trying to look cool yet had the opposite effect. I'm still not the best at parties and tend to avoid crowded events as much as I can.  I've since learned that they're many more just like me. I'll never be an extrovert but time and experience have helped me to discern those who're kinder and more empathetic from the pack. They're usually the ones that wear a few battle scars, overcame certain hardships and have interesting stories to tell.  It sounds rather corny but the saying....eyes are windows to one's soul is true.

If you've enjoyed this post, do check out Amanda of Online Stylist's 5 Unwritten Rules of Blogging and Lucy of Fashion Me Now's Lessons in Happy. Please share life lessons you've learned so far that have had an impact on you.

5 Favorite Things

Clockwise: White Company "Fresh Fig" candle, Hermes Cape Cod watch, Comme des Garcons wallet, Charlotte Olympia Kitty flats and white roses.

The White Company candle arrived in the post not too long ago. One sniff was enough to take me back to one of my favorite places on earth - Provence. The Hermes Cape Cod automatic GM double tour watch was a gift from my husband. Five years on, I still love the watch which also doubles as  a bracelet. I call it my 2 in 1. I get friendly nods of acknowledgement from other owners every now and then. It's like a secret club........

I'm tired of carrying my oversized organizer/wallet which is big enough to be used as a weapon. I wanted something that's well made, relatively inexpensive (no more than £80) and has a cool factor. I've been eyeing this red embossed Comme des Garcons small wallet for a while now and finally nabbed it when it was back in stock again. The darned thing kept selling out. Pffffft. I went for the smallest size in the end. It's actually surprisingly roomy. I can dump all my cards, coins and receipts but it's compact enough to fit into the pocket of my parka. Since I'm usually dressed in neutral colors (actually....black most of the time), the Comme des Garcons wallet can double as a clutch and add a nice pop of color.

These Charlotte Olympia Kitty flats are a whimsical addition to my otherwise tomboyish and avant-garde outfits. I call them my happy shoes because they seem to put a smile on people's faces whenever they notice my flats.

I fail at Flora and Fauna 101. Recognizing the varieties of flowers just isn't my forte but at least I can pronounce roses, peonies and tulips correctly.


**Thank you, The White Company for the gift.

Photography Workshop

I'm thrilled to collaborate with Laura Turner, the stylish entrepreneur behind Hero boutique (check her fabulous store and website here!) for our first ever photography workshop right here in historic city of Winchester on Wednesday 30th September, 10am to 2pm. Price £65. Click here to book.




1. Instagram

You'll be getting plenty of practice and tips as I take you to some of the prettiest spots in Winchester. Find out how to take beautiful photos with a smartphone as we talk more about composition, lighting, exposure and angles as well as editing photos with various apps.








2. Stock photography & photo styling

How to use effective backdrops, composition and natural light.

3. Portrait and people photography
We will also touch on portrait/people photography. How to look good/slimmer in photos without resorting to photoshop trickery. Learning your best angle and how to pose (naturally).

Looking forward to seeing you here in Winchester!

My 6 Weaknesses

Ahh.....Hermès....Hermès, my love affair with you was cemented over a decade ago in a chatroom frequented by equally bag obsessed ladies (like myself). Thanks to you, many friendship are formed and continue to this day. Our pockets are lighter because your sky high prices continue to rocket, year after year. If only UK's GDP performs as well as you do. You're mysterious, difficult to get hold of, desirable, look better than Pierce Brosnan and Hugh Jackman put together but unlike them, you're arrogant because you simply do not give a damn. And people still want you.......







I'm partial to tweed. A beautifully tailored Chanel tweed bouclé jacket is at the very top of my list. When planets align, unicorns trot on the grounds of New Forest, I lose 10 pounds in my sleep and win the million dollar lottery jackpot.......then I'll buy a black Chanel jacket at retail price. Otherwise, it's either buying alternatives say, Isabel Marant jackets or trying my luck at nabbing a Chanel bouclé jacket on the secondhand market.







I used to scoff at the idea of buying flowers and candles. It's frivolous. A little like chucking money down the drain. Or using dollar notes as kindling. I blame my current addiction on Instagram. There are just waaaaay too many photos of flowers and candles. And cashmere....why buy cashmere when wool will do the trick? Weeeeell......never say never. As winter drags on, even the most hardcase dudette succumb to it.









My baking skills are rusty from lack of use. I've put off replacing my dead mixer for well over a year. I figure that if I don't bake, I won't be tempted to scarf down an entire cake. I caved in during the Christmas sales and bought a bright yellow Kenwood mixer. I've dusted off the covers of my cookbooks and unearthed old recipes that I'd adapted on my blog. Sigh. There goes my New Year's resolution which bombed before it even had a chance at success.